“I applied for an examination, more like a scholarship, in Germany. Actually it was my teachers who advised me to take the examination and they took me to Lagos to write it about four weeks ago. It was on a Tuesday, so it was during the school hours I was taken to write the examination. I kept it from you because I wanted it to be a surprise”. He paused and then seeing that I was fully interested in what he was saying, continued
“The result was brought to my school and I passed…” That was exactly what I was waiting to hear. I could not hide my joy as I carried him, totally forgetting he is a big boy, and telling him how proud he has made me. He smiled and continued
“That’s not all; I’m expected to pay for my ticket before the end of this month. Already, my passport and visa has been taken care of”. Gently, I carried him off my laps and dropped my head. “Today is the fourteenth, how does this boy expect me to get the money before the end of this month” I wept inside of me,
“I know you’ll miss me and so would I, but, remember you’ve always told me success lies beyond the ordinary and it is only the people that can go the extra mile that would get it”. Of course, he was saying the truth, but I could not resist the anger that was boiling inside of me
“Will you shut up!!! How would you ever take such a step without my consent”. I snapped at him, barely allowing him to complete his last sentence. Immediately, I saw my boy retreat and walk out of the room.
Incase You Missed Part 1
“What would be going on in his mind” I wondered, but although I really wanted to call him back, the only thing I could do instead was to allow those tears in my eyes gain its freedom and I watched him leave my room in grief for the first time in his life. I had never allowed him leave me unhappy until today, when I became the source of his sorrow. I doubt if I’ll ever forgive myself. I wanted to get up but I was too scared to. I comported myself, used my face towel to wipe my tears, put on my shoes, carried my bag and left the room.
There was something unusual when I got to the dining table; Oluwatobiloba was taking breakfast without me. I sat in front of him and saw those tears trickle down my boy’s cheeks and I could not help blaming myself. Maybe I should not have been that spiteful. Maybe explaining to him would have been a better option, but how could I? What would I tell him? No! I can’t afford to. Those thoughts occupied my pregnant heart as my eyes became soaked with the tears that had welled up in it. I could taste those tears down my throat, but sincerely, there is something more to it, something is eating me beyond the physical, but it is too big an issue to share with my lovely son and friend. Again, fear got me shivering all over, but, this time I was only a subject to it.
I looked up to tell my boy how sorry I was and that I did not mean to hurt him. I barely snap at him and when I do, I call him back almost immediately to give him reasons for my action. However, today was just different, I was angry, very angry, not with him though, but with myself, my environment and my country. I have been turned into a nonentity. I opened my mouth to speak, but to who? Nobody! Tobi had gotten up unnoticed in the midst of my thought and at that point, those tears that have been absorbing broke loose and gushed down my cheeks uncontrollably. I was weak. This deceit must be put to an end. Before my very eyes, my world is crumbling at my feet and I the strong lioness has begun to lose her strength. I think it is time I fought before I lose it all.