The hardest part for her had always been, trying to figure out how to bridge the gap;
the gap between where she was and where she was going.
She knew she wasn’t the same person anymore, she was in the process of becoming.
Never quite sure of who she was changing into, but the process felt terrifying and beautiful at the same time.
As each day passed, her heart moved away from being contented with just the shore;
a longing and hunger grew inside of her to go deeper; a cry for more. She felt full, but never satisfied.
How does she operate in the gap? What should she do?
Questions tormented her mind and heart as she tried to be as normal and tolerant as she possibly could
in a circle that didn’t understand her anymore.
They thought she had lost her true identity, but on the contrary she was finding herself.
She had to learn how to trust God in this phase,
even when He became quiet and her prayers and conversations felt one-sided.
When He showed her that she had to learn how to survive without everything she loved so much
and felt she couldn’t live without.
How did she wholeheartedly trust this Unseen Being
especially when she couldn’t feel His presence?
It had to have taken real faith. The kind of faith that understood that all the previous experiences
weren’t coincidences and that things didn’t just happen by chance.
Praying felt hard to do, but she did it anyway.
Fasting felt like starvation and her mind couldn’t quite understand the written Word.
But she knew she had to press through.
She understood that it was necessary to trust God in the lonely gap.
She needed more, mostly from herself.
“To whom much is given, much is required,” had always been one of her favorite Bible quotes.
She knew she had work to do; to pay it forward.
She had to allow herself to surrender to what she couldn’t fully understand,
but felt comfortable in learning how to trust.
Knowing that the bridge she built during the gap would determine her next chapter.
And in that scary moment, while feeling somewhat petrified, her heart and soul said YES;
yes to change, yes to more, yes to God.